Confession: I didn’t write this post. Which you probably guessed that based on the wedding bells that went off with the title, but that’s besides the point. I’ve been real blessed with some incredibly wise friends who the Lord has used in big ways to teach me more about Him, myself, life…basically I might not have survived high school and life after that without them. So it is my joy to share with you this post from not only my first guest blogger, but my dear friend.
I never (ever ever) thought that I would be writing this post. I always thought that I would be the person to spend my 20’s (at least) happily and productively single. I never planned my wedding as a little girl, but when you turn out to be the one planning your wedding for a few months after your 21st birthday, people say some crazy things. At the invitation of my sweet friend Kay to write a guest post on her (fantastic and funny) blog, I thought now was as good of a time as any to address a few of the criticisms thrown my way*:
1) Either “you need more time to live alone before you’re married,” or, “you need more time to live with other people before you’re married.”
I see the validity in both of these points, honestly. Living alone, you find the time (if you make the time, that is) to get to know yourself a bit better. When I had my own apartment, I figured out what routines worked the best for me. I learned how to cook a lot better than I could when I lived with my parents, learned to enjoy my own company, and learned a few smaller lessons too: fixing smoke alarms, ignoring the nighttime noises that are much scarier without other people around, and how to say “enough is enough” to pressing play on the next Netflix episode and forgetting where my vacuum was (I still hate vacuuming). I liked living alone, truly, but not enough to continue choosing to do so.
On the flip side, I’ve spent two out of my (almost) four collegiate years with roommates. Living with roommates teaches you a lot about yourself, but in a much different way than living alone. I absolutely LOVE my roommates, and wouldn’t have done this year any other way: both for the life experience and all the laughter and fun we’ve shared. It isn’t always easy, though, between the little conflicts that are bound to pop up when you’re renting a house with three other girls, and all the times that I’ve realized just how selfish I am. I appreciate my roommates for giving me “practice time” on how to go through all the little mundane life moments while trying to remember that I can either bless or disrespect the people I live with.
2) Speaking of not ready for marriage: “you’re simply not ready for marriage. Wait a few years.”
I feel too young for a lot of things, marriage included. Some days I feel too young to get out of bed and go to class for my last semester of college, or too young to go to my internship and do real life taxes for real life people. I’m not sure if anyone else feels that way, but they sure are hiding it well. Either way, as a twenty-something, I have to decide to be “old enough,” because I don’t think I would ever feel like it.
1 Timothy 4:12 always pops into my head, “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” My fiancé and I have tried (with God and the people around us helping every step of the way) to conduct ourselves with love, faith, and purity in our relationship. I don’t think our age has hindered us here, other than perhaps our generation’s attempts to ruin purity in actions and in speech. Yes, there will be unique struggles in our marriage because of getting married young, but there would also be struggles if I had waited ten more years. I’m not 100% prepared for marriage, but I don’t think that would change, even if I were 45 when I was walking down the aisle.
3) “You’re not your own person yet. You need to go through changes/experiences/adventures and develop more before you get married.”
Maybe it is my own inexperience, but this, to me, is the least valid reason to condemn getting married young. Maybe some people want to stay single to go on crazy adventures, but in my single years – though they may be few – I have learned that is not who I am. My childhood thoughts of walking continents on my own dissolved when I remembered that I like traveling with others, not so much alone, and most of the time I would rather stay at home for quieter activities anyways. As far as I know, you don’t magically become your own person once you hit an arbitrary middle-age number. Anyways, I don’t know any adults who have “arrived.” There will definitely be huge, crazy growing opportunities in my twenties, but I believe that this will also be true of my thirties, forties, fifties…however many years I am given on this earth, I’m sure God and life will be throwing plenty of curveballs my way.
My sincere hope is that in those circumstances, I will become not more of a “me person,” not become more Taylor than I already am, but that I become more of a “Jesus person.” I have no desire to grow more into my flesh, but instead to grow to be more like Christ. So, if that is my end goal, why not face the good, the bad, and the ugly with someone who I will spend my whole life with? I love that we will be facing each change, each grace, and each new day together. I hope there is TONS of personal growth headed my way, but I’m also looking forward to the relational growth that is sure to come. I won’t be able to say that I have arrived until I am with the Savior, but I will be saying that I am journeying through the challenges and joys with the one whom God is entrusting to me.
I was reading Matthew Henry’s commentary on Genesis 33 today. Though he wrote these words in a different context, I thought that they were applicable now: “It is an unreasonable thing to tie others to our rate; we may come with comfort, at last, to the same journey’s end, though we do not journey together, either in the same path or with the same pace.” I came to this path at a faster rate than some, and a slower rate than others. Neither is better; I am not “winning” because I’m getting married right after college, but I’m also not “losing.” We are told often that we must choose our battles, and I think that God has given us the freedom to also pick our pleasures (within reason and Law, of course). I have listened to wise counsel on both sides, considered the listed arguments and many other reasons not to get married right now, and made my decision to the contrary. I’m not afraid of solitude, and I’m finally not afraid of committing my entire life to a man, because I have first committed everything to the God I serve, who promises to go before me, never forsake me, and who – having created the union of marriage – knows so much more than I ever will.
*A heads up: 1. I know that not everyone should get married in their twenties. I also know that not everyone should get married in their thirties. 2. Marriage isn’t everything. 3. I welcome any discussion/criticism of my decisions, but this blog post is made up of my thoughts on my own situation.
Taylor wants to live in a world where every pantry is stocked with Nutella, conflict isn’t hard, and everyone has hopeful hearts. She will graduate with an accounting degree from Austin Peay State University in the spring, and hopes to soon be a CPA. Taylor and Zack have been together since November of 2013 and will be married this May.
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