Confession: I suck at New Year’s resolutions.
It’s true. Any sort of goal setting, resolution type situation I try to put myself into, it’s like I’m intentionally setting myself up for failure. I’ve tried making smaller, more manageable goals, I’ve tried having friends be accountability partners for resolutions…. The longest I’ve lasted was about two weeks. This blog is a great example! Last year my resolution was to blog once a week…HA. I think I’ve averaged about once a month. I’m not sure if I just have a self-control, discipline problem, or if it’s just a personality thing… but I’m the worst.
Maybe you relate, or maybe you think I’m just riding the struggle bus through life, but I’m finding that I fail in the personal growth category in a lot of ways. I try to set goals, I try resolutions, I even try looking at it like habits or even just “lifestyle” changes…but I always disappoint myself. My personality has always been a pretty independent, “I can do it myself” one, so most of my life the Lord has so graciously shown me and reminded me, that I really can’t do anything apart from Him and His strength. Sometimes, those lessons have hurt a little more than others, but New Year’s resolutions always seem to be a gentle reminder.
I’ve been reflecting lately on what it means to make resolutions and goals, and what performance based personal growth looks like verses spiritual sanctification. I wrestle with whether or not those performance based goals like “workout three times a week” or “save this much money” are really all that important, or how intentional I should be with my spiritual growth without crossing the line into legalism… it’s a struggle and something I’m still looking for a lot of answers for. Here’s something I’m learning to rest in: simply pressing into the Lord, His Character, and His constant faithfulness.
Something that amazes me about the Old Testament is that when you look at the big picture, mountain-high view of it, you essentially see this pattern: things go well for the Israelites and the Lord blesses them; then, they forget all about that, ignore the Lord, and do their own thing…then things go bad for them. Then they seek the Lord, return to Him, and it all repeats. I’ve always found this perplexing and sit in awe at how dumb the Israelites can be. Like, “come one, guys, you think you’ll learn your lesson this time?” The older I get though the more I’ve realized that I’m the exact same way. I seek the Lord, worship Him, thank Him for all of His blessings…then I forget. I try to do things my own way, I pat myself on the back, and then when things start to go haywire, I feel lost. Then, I return to seeking the Lord, etc…and I repeat the same offense over and over. I always beat myself up over it too…and the Lord, again, in His graciousness, shows me how to depend on His strength alone, not mine.
So this year, instead of a list of resolutions and goals, behavior modifications or a laundry list of to-do’s, I’m asking the Lord for one thing: that He would continue to reveal Himself as I press into His Character and that I would more fully trust Who He says He is. 2016 was such a rich year and the Lord’s faithfulness was more evident than ever. He showed up in ways I didn’t even know I needed and did things I didn’t even know to ask Him to do. He was just as good as He always is, but man did He give me the privilege of noticing and acknowledging it more than I have before.
I don’t want to miss that in 2017. I don’t want to look back on this year and realize the Lord’s faithfulness in hindsight. I want to be able to rest in His presence in my present circumstances, to see His goodness every day- even the really hard days- and be able to confidently say that I trust Him no matter what all the way in the depths of my heart. I’m not saying this is going to be any easier of an accomplishment than any other resolution I’ve made. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve already failed at this, and we’re barely a week into 2017. But, it is my focus for the year and something I pray that the Lord, in His strength, will help me press into. That this time next year (which holy crap, will be 2018, ladies and gents) I’ll be able to look back and tell you that my dependence on the Lord has grown just a little bit stronger, that I understand His character just little bit deeper, and that I know, that I know, that I know, that He is faithful still.